It is now spring in South Africa and the colors and fragrances are just amazing. I think that this is the first time that I've been here in September and it's just beautiful! The only thing hindering this photo of the incredible purple flowers down the street are the spiked gate and electric fence! :o)
Last Friday we had Sabana's memorial service (I hope it's okay that I include his name now that he is no longer with us???) and it was so wonderful to hear so many people share their thoughts and memories of him. I didn't say anything because I knew I wouldn't be able to get a single word out without doing the "ugly cry". Angie, our director, got up and read Psalm 121 because she knew that it was what I had read each night that he was in ICU and I pretty much lost it. Seven of our older girls (ages 8-12) had asked if they could miss school and come to the service and so I brought them with me. I felt like it would be such a significant experience for them, since they are getting to the stage of asking a lot of questions about the losses that they've experienced themselves. The first time that they had seen me since I had been back, one of them looked at me and the first words out of her mouth were "Are you sad?". I asked what she meant, and she said, matter of factly, "Sabana died. Are you sad?". Then came the barrage of questions from them all about whether I had cried when I found out, and how it was possible that he could die if he had still been hooked up to the machines. They are so curious about death, not having clear memories of the deaths of their moms, but having heard it talked about. They are so carefully observing what grief looks like, not having had a real outlet, or period of acceptance, for their own grief.
During Sabana's service, when I had started to cry, the 10 year old sitting next to me, whose mom had died of AIDS when she was less than 2 years old, saw me crying and just watched my face. Then she nudged the girl sitting next to her to point out that I was crying. After the memorial, another one of our 10 year olds, whose mom died when she was 3, walked over to me and said, "Mommy Kelli, were you crying?". I said "Yes, did you see me?" and she got a tiny smile and said "Yes." That was exactly the reason that I had felt it would be so good to bring them. I want them to see that grief and tears are okay, and that death doesn't mean that God doesn't still do miracles. They had asked why Sabana died if we had been praying, and we had a long chat about the fact that God had a reason for Sabana to be here, and maybe that reason was finished. We talked about Hebrews 13:2, and how God sometimes sends angels to teach us about who He is and give us more trust and more faith...
In other areas of life, all that I can say is that I am blessed. God has provided such a wonderful group of friends for me here... We had another one of our "America Night" parties at Beth's house this weekend. We actually cooked Mexican food though. :o) Through the course of the night, there were probably 20 people who came and went, and it all just reminded me of what phenomenal people I am surrounded by - all so different, but all so amazing!
