The Kingdom of Heaven Belongs to Such As These...

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hold them back, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.'"

Matthew 19:14

As I type this, "my" angel baby is getting to be held, his favorite thing, for the first time in 4 weeks... and held by Jesus. He passed away today and for the first time in his life is able to be a whole and healed little boy, no longer having to fight, but breathing deeply the air of Heaven. To say that my heart is breaking feels like an understatement, and yet I have been asking God to take him for weeks in the midst of his suffering. I have shed so many tears today, most because of how much I will miss him, but at the same time, tears of joy that he isn't bound by his broken body any longer.

July 29th was really the night where he and I said goodbye to each other. It was the last time I saw him open his eyes, and it was the night that he shed his two tears as I shed mine. I feel like God so clearly told me then that he was not meant to be ours for much longer, and that he was getting ready to go. My one regret is that I didn't get to be with him on the day he died. It was the first time in the 8 weeks of being hospitalized that I hadn't been able to see him, because when he passed away I was on a plane crossing the Atlantic for my first visit back to the States. I arrived in California today. In truth, I didn't want to come back right now with him in the hospital. When I last visited him on Wednesday, as I was leaving the ICU, I turned back for one last look, knowing somehow that I wouldn't see him again.

In the nearly 6 months that we had him, everyone fell absolutely in love. He gave us a bigger view of God and because of his life, I trust God beyond any measure that I ever have before... He is already so missed...